Early one morning, after a sleepless night, I came across the quote below while reading Daniel Siegel's book, "Mindsight." In 1950, Einstein received a letter from a rabbi desperate for advice after losing his daughter in an accident. Here's Einstein's response:
“A human being is a part of the whole, called by us, “Universe,” a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security.”
This resonated deeply with me. During times of stress, my tendency is to withdraw and turn inwards - a pretty common coping mechanism acquired way back in early childhood. In that contracted state, everything becomes about "me" and "my situation". For others, stress induces an outward focus - "they" are the problem and "they" are the cause of all negativity. In both cases, I see the "optical delusion" that Einstein is referring to. Instead of opening ourselves up for deeper connection with our universe we close ourselves off. In an attempt to simplify the situation, we unconsciously try to distance ourselves from the perceived threat and cause of the pain.
Neurologically, of course, this makes perfect sense. Especially in a stressful situation, our brains are wired to focus attention on things that are essential to our survival. Our amygdala ensures that we don't waste valuable resources on energy-intensive processes such as empathy and compassion. While this might be effective when there's a tiger in the bushes, it really isn't helpful when the stress isn't actually immediate and/or life threatening.
The antidote to this separation impulse? Compassionate curiosity. As Eckhart Tolle suggests, "be at least as interested in your reactions as in the person or situation that triggers them." Combining that curiosity with the desire that everyone be free from suffering (compassion), sets us up to move from separation back to a state of integration. Out of the prison of delusion and back into mindful connection with our community, loved ones and the universe. That split-second decision to be curious makes all the difference.
I know first-hand how difficult it is to stay connected with this intention, especially when frustrated, angry or hurt. Einstein's eloquent words are a timely reminder for me to keep trying. Again and again.